We covered this a few weeks ago, but Jason Garrett, Master of the Shotgun Draw, is Terrible at his job. Yes, it deserves a capital T. In the previous installment, I gave you all 53 Reasons I Hate Wade Phillips, Jason Garrett, and by Extension, the 2010-11 Dallas Cowboys. Here, I will give you a list of 53 People I Would Rather Have Been Named Interim Head Coach of the 2010-11 Dallas Cowboys.
1. Paul Pasqualoni (defensive line coach)
2. Herman Boone (Remember the Titans)
3. Former Head Coaching Disgrace Dave Campo (current secondary coach)
4. Lindsay Lohan
5. Michael Irvin
6. Bud Kilmer (Varsity Blues)
7. Ray Sherman (wide receivers coach)
8. Jerry Jones
9. Don Draper
10. Former/Current Head Coaching Disgrace Chan Gailey (only Cowboys coach to never make the playoffs, win the NFC East or win the Super Bowl)
11. Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball
12. Tony D’Amato (Any Given Sunday)
13. Tim Cowlishaw, Rick Gosselin, Jean-Jacques Taylor, Kevin Sherrington, Randy Galloway or any other writer for the Dallas Morning News
14. Jacob from Lost
15. Troy Aikman
16. My 14-year-old cousin Emily
17. Liz Lemon
18. David Chang, my 1L Torts teacher
19. Justin Timberlake dressed as Sean Parker from The Social Network
20. Larry Coker
21. Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights)
22. Gordon Bombay (The Mighty Ducks)
23. Art Shell
24. Bill Simmons
25. Optimus Prime
26. John Madden (at his current age, not his coaching the Raiders age)
27. Billy Martin
28. John Acker (my high school gym teacher and assistant football coach)
29. Terrell Owens
30. Mike D’Antoni
31. Tom Landry
32. Conan O’Brien
33. Megan Fox
34. Mike Francessa
35. Mr. Fat Daley (my high school Geometry teacher)
36. George Bush
37. John Clayton
38. Kim-Jong Il
39. The Joker
40. Dick Vitale
41. Eric Cartman
42. The Jamaican Bobsled Team
43. Jim Mora (the “Playoffs? Playoffs?” one)
44. Jimmy Johnson
45. Flozell Adams
46. A New York Giants fan
47. The Chilean Miners
48. LaLa Anthony (Mrs. Carmelo)
49. Pinky and/or the Brain
50. Michael Scott
51. Anyone from Enron
52. Gus Johnson
53. Isiah Thomas… Wait, on second thought, nahhh
Trackbacks/Pingbacks
[...] midway through the season and were an absolute train wreck that caused me to write not one, but two articles on why I hated this season’s team, I think it win that one. I had more correct [...]